Keep on Keeping on

Getting into working out can be hard, and getting back into working out can be even harder. I’ve been working my way back into things alone since I sprained my shoulder a while back and school kept me inactive for longer than I should have been. It has been a windy road, and I don’t think it’ll straighten out any time soon.

During the time I was inactive, things were difficult. My mood was garbage, my body felt like garbage, and I lost some weight that I didn’t mean to lose. It’s hard to find the motivation to do anything when your body hurts and your mind is tired. But you have to do it. Once you do, it will get harder because you will be sore, but you have to keep going. I’m writing this now to remind myselfΒ that I need to keep going too. This battle is as much mental as it is physical, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be won.

I wish I could say that three weeks into doing jujitsu 2-3 times per week, I feel amazing, but I don’t. But I do feel better. I was afraid going to work out with a new group of people. But I think that actually helped me. Because of my shoulder injury, I had been avoiding certain exercises, but since I didn’t want these people to view me as particularly weak, I’m doing pushups with everyone else – just not as many of them. At first I was a little embarrassed. I still am very slightly embarrassed.Β The other day we were running to warm up and I felt terribly tired. When I looked at the clock, it told me that we were only two minutes into class.

After a few days of class I stopped pretending to be done doing warm up drills at the same time as everyone else.Β I’ve been making it a point not to cut corners regardless of who may see. I’ve always been worried that people will think less of me, but now I realize that if I don’t do what everyone else is doing plus some, I’ll never get through group workouts as easily as everyone else. The reason they can do it and I can’t is because they have continuously worked hard and I haven’t. And that is okay. I’m starting my hard work now.

After three weeks of doing jujitsu 2-3 times per week, I feel better. My body hurts significantly less and I’m back up to my normal weight. And with hard work, in a few more weeks I’ll be even better than I am today.

The Art Thing

Lately I’ve been working pretty hard but also hardly working. I have a lot of goals I’m working towards. I’m trying to improve my climbing, run faster, fight harder, learn Korean, and prepare for my career. Lately I have focused on doing art. I feel weird calling it art, because if its garbage is it still art? It shouldn’t be.

When I went to college I took a beginning drawing class that 110% ruined my interest in art. The art looked like garbage because it was always a still life that was literally garbage piled on a table. Then since I changed majors and had a job and all, I was way to busy to have fun. But now I have time, so I started back into the art thing.Β The end goal is to have an online store set up and sell my work. Which is a huge long shot, but I have almost finished setting up the store part, so I can’t back out now.

The first thing I’ve been working working onhas been this block print of a fish. On the left is the first proof I did of it, so of course it has come a long way since then. I am actually very lazy though, so I think its done, but I haven’t made any prints of it, so I can’t be sure. I ended up getting a bit sidetracked. I was doing all of these proofs towards the end, and I had a bunch of these not finished fish, so I decided to use those to make a painting. Because reduce, reuse, recycle.

fullsizerenderWell that painting came out approximately bad. But I’m still going to try to sell it because worst case no one wants it and I am reminded why I got an engineering degree. I keep telling myself that the actual reason I’m doing this is to prove to myself that I needed an engineering degree to live comfortably and that is why I didn’t go to school for art or literature. Even if I am awful at computer science, I think I can still make a decent living. And I’m not that awful anyways. I am very good at art and computers when you compare me with my dog.

So here is that fish painting. Let me know what you think. But make sure to put the bad stuff in between compliments so that my fragile ego will not be entirely destroyed.